Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
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