we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
Randomize
