Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
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