I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
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