I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
Randomize
