I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
Randomize