My friends, they love my intelligence
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
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