i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
2020 sucks, I want a refund
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