I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
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