yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
Randomize
