Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
Randomize
