I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
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