I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
Randomize
