PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
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