I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
I just spread your mom's ashes with my new girlfriend. I wouldve waited for you to fly home but she was uncomfortable in the house with her remains there. I'll mail you the urn since u handpainted it.
YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND ALREADY!?! WTF WE JUST HAD HER FUNERAL 3 WEEKS AGO!!!!!!!!!!!!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
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