Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
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