She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
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The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
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He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
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