Buhtt sex?
Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
Randomize
