sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
Randomize
