This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
I deserve to be covered in dicks
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
Randomize
