I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
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