If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
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