Good face, no body. And apparently her vagina is related to chewbaca.
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
Randomize
