He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
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