508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
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