u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
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