Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Randomize
