It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
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