he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
Randomize
