Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
Randomize
