she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
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