forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
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