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Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
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