I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
i've created a new STD.
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
Randomize
