what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
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No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
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No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
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The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?