i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
Is it morally objectionable to repay my debt to society with drug money?
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
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I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
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Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.