a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
Guy Shares All The ‘New Discoveries’ He’s Made Since Moving In With His Girlfriend And It’s Hilariously Relatable
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
Guy Accidentally Starts A Group Chat With All The Girls He’s Talking To And Gets Absolutely Roasted
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.