our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
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An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
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The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
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