where are you?
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
19 People Did The Wildest Things When They Were Black-Out Drunk
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
21 Signs That A Dude is Probably Insane
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk