Eww. Jon Gosselin got both his ears pierced.
He looks like a bad one night stand.
i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
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the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
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Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday