I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
I have already put on my inside pants.
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
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