genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
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