WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
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someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
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Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!