im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
When are your genitals available?
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
Randomize
