im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
