apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
i just had sex bonerless
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
tell me about the eggs
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