Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
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