the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
there's paper in my vomit.
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
we're so committed to being not committed
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
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