NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
Randomize
