This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
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