I molested 6 butterflies tonight
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
Randomize
