so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
Randomize
