yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
Randomize
