Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
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