So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
Randomize
