That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
I feel like death gave me a hand job
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
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