As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
It's gotten to the point where even copying off yahoo answers is still way too much work.
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
Randomize
