what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize
