I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
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