i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
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