Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
Randomize
