dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
Im part way to drunk.
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
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