theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
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