I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
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