um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
Randomize
