he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
Randomize
