i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
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